Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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