The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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