I'm eating all of the evidence.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
