Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
