I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
