...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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