every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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