I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
