So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
