I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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