Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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