My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
