well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
