And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize