I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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