He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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