mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If I die, sorry about rent.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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