I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
