Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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