sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
