I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
