new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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