I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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