I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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