is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
