I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
