there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
