You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
