U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
