there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
