I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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