Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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