What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
