Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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