I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
this just has baby written all over it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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