You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
