Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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