I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
