My friends, they love my intelligence
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
