we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
