eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
