end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
