what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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