Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
