Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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