I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he was CRYING into my vagina
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In other news, I just burned my penis
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
