i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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