I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
porn star boner night. come get it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I will pee on everything he values.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He better not be in your backpack
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
