My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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