So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
