I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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