i just wanna soil my oats bro
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Blood and glitter go together right?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
