While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
