beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have feelings that need drinking.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
