he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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