for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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