I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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