and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
