when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
