also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
