is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
