whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
