I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
