hotel room ftw
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
