"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
